I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
