next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
