Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
