Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize