I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
