Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
