you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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