a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
