I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
