Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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