You can't motorboat a personality
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
