okay pat passed out under dana's car
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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