seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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