I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
