And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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