well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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