Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
