I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
