Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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