i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
