You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
