...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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