I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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