Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
