If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
