wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
