First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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