Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
