it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
