Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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