For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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