I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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