I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
