My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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