I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
