I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
