no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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