i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
