worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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