Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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