walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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