Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
