just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
