i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
