I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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