it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
