The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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