I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
