Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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