thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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