lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
