and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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