That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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