I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
