Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
