Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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