i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
