Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
