I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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