Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
