my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
