just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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